Sad Christmas

Each year on the first Wednesday of December a tiny little church at Cherrybrook put on a church service for those who have lost a child or may have a child missing.
My dear friend Meryn told me about this service the same year that our Ben died. J and I went along with a heavy heart and to our surprize we met many many others there. Some were elderly parents whose adult children had been killed, some were very young couples whose baby had died and others like J and I had lost a son or daughter in the years in between. The one thing that we all had in common was that we had lost a child and were grieving and trying to find a way to get through Christmas.
This past service for 2010 was like each one that we had attended before. A minister said some prayers, a guest speaker told of his or her own experience in loosing a child and how they had gotten through it and then everyone was invited to place flowers on the alter in memory of their child. It is always heart wrenching yet each year I go and think of Ben, wish him a Merry Christmas and tell myself that this year will be even better than the last. It is a beautiful service in all, especially with the amount of hard work put into both the service and the super afterwards, the work all organised and undertaken by the fe local perishioners who live near by. Over the years I have come to meet a lot of people there whose children have died at all different ages and from many different causes, some that I even met through the Muscular Dystrophy Association and others whom I met when I worked at the Children's Hospital. I feel as though I now go to say Merry Christmas not only to our Ben but to those who feel like there is no future now that their child is deceased. I have come to understand how important it is over time to know that you are not alone in your grief. It is so important to reach out to people with not just understanding, but with hope that life is not always going to seem so painful. It is a pain that we all share just as we share with each other our love for our children. This gets me through Christmas...the idea that I may be helping someone.
I often wonder about the many others out there that struggle to get through Christmas. Maybe we should aim to spare a smile or an ear to someone soon. I read this poem on a friend's web page.........


This Christmas season let us try
To do some golden deeds,
To carry someone’s burden,
To help someone in need.
There are always those who need us
As we journey on life’s way,
And the friends we win by helping
Make us richer every day.
So when you see a saddened face
As Christmas time draws near,
Do your best to lift the load
And spread a word of cheer.

From "Getting Ready for Christmas"
Author Emma Lapp